Bath Time

The morning started off innocently enough. I had just finished breakfast and was hanging out in my Lightning McQueen car; honking the horn and playing some tunes. Then one of the Giants approached me. It roared at me in their strange language; I have been trying to learn this primitive speech because the Giants are obviously simple people who do not understand my advanced speech. I heard a word I have heard before, “bath”. The other giant; the soft, good smelling one who provides me sustenance, had talked to me of a bath before. I remembered swimming peacefully in a small body of foamy water while that giant sat with me and removed the dirt and dried food from my body. It was a pleasant experience and I looked forward to the relaxing ritual. But apparently bath has different meanings to each of these giants.

I was stripped naked quite forcefully, and carried to the water. A giant waterfall was crashing into the small lake where I had spent many peaceful evenings, churning up a thick foam that smelled faintly of cherries. I was unceremoniously dropped into some sort of torture chair that had been placed next to the waterfall. The water rose alarmingly quickly, and even though I struggled and cried for help the giant simply held me there. Miraculously, the waterfall was cut off before I was completely submerged. I tried to calm myself and think of a way to escape.

The giant seemed pleased with itself, smiling and babbling to me like an idiot. It dropped a few things in the water, I think as an attempt to bribe me into silence. The yellow one that squeaked did interest me for awhile. I believe the giant called it a “duckie”.

There seemed to be no immediate danger so I busied myself with the duckie; but still keeping a wary eye on the giant and looking for an opportunity to escape.

And then the torture started.

The giant kneeled down beside me, grabbed a square cloth that it squirted a liquid into (most likely some sort of acid or poison), and attempted to suffocate me. I screamed and thrashed wildly, hoping to break free from its grasp, but the giant would not relent. After the attempt to smother me failed, the giant began to use the cloth to cover me in the strange, slimy foam. My torso, arms, and legs were all attacked. No amount of struggling or crying could get me free.

Resigning myself to my imminent doom, I gave up my struggle and sat there sobbing while I waited for the giant to finish me off. However, it looked like my pleas must have reached somewhere deep inside the giant where a small portion of its heart remained untouched by cruelty and death. For at the moment I had given up all hope, the giant began to wipe the foul liquid from my body. And when that was finished; it lifted me from the water and wrapped me in a soft, warm blanket. The giant carried me from its torture chamber, applied a sweet smelling oil to my body, and dressed me in clean clothes.

Now that I am free once more; I’m forced to admit that I feel refreshed after this whole ordeal. But I still do not trust this giant. I feel I must retaliate; so I will soil myself in a dramatic fashion and scream until it is forced to clean me.

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